Talk about a misleading headline: “Report: Cohabiting has little effect on couples’ success in marriage.”
USA Today can’t carry all the blame for misleading—the writers repeated what Pamela Smock, University of Michigan sociologist said. In contrast, the NY Times headline had a better grasp of the real takeaway, “Study Finds Cohabiting Doesn’t Make a Union Last.”
This is the truth. Studies show that there is a difference in types of cohabiting—the sliding kind and the deciding kind. The slide: Couples who never talk about marriage and “slide” into a cohabiting situation, usually break up. The decide: Couples who had already decided to marry and then move in together, are more likely to marry and stay together.
Importantly, cohabitation in the best “decide” situation is only neutral– research shows no positive effects on marriage, but lots of downsides are possible. Children especially suffer when their parents share little more than toothbrush space and rental agreement, but adults lose without marriage as well.
Also significantly, marriage is the basis for stable relationships—physically, emotionally and financially. There are a lot more reasons to encourage marriage than to scapegoat cohabitation.
You gotta give it to this guy. He’s very honest about cohabitation. A few quotes below, but read the whole thing here. (Note: This Web site approaches sexual issues in a way that some may find offensive.) Especially if you’re a single woman.
The upside for a man is:
There are plenty of good reasons to move in with your significant other. For a man, the primary benefit is that the place where he lives suddenly smells great, like lilacs, and fresh meadows and Care Bear farts.
The reality is:
I have moved in with girlfriends, and we’ve both kidded ourselves that it was to save money, that our marriage playacting was a smart financial move—it wasn’t and isn’t. This is probably one of the worst lies couples tell themselves when shacking up.
The bottom line:
I’ve actually said, “We’re going to see if we’re compatible!” What a superficial thing to say. If I love a woman and am compelled to give her access to my rotten DNA, compatibility is moot. I love her totally, and flaws are part of that equation.
Interesting idea for economic hard times: a church-sponsored wedding event for several couples. It cost about $3000, but think of the savings for the 32 couples who participated.
Read about it here.
Cohabitation is a convenient way to spend more time together according to the latest research.
It’s been said for years that most people move in together to try out a prospective spouse, but instead people seem to settle for a good rental agreement with a few fringe benefits.
Among the findings from the University of Denver study as reported by USA Today:
•Most couples didn’t consciously decide to live together; two-thirds of cohabitors said they either “slid into it” or “talked about it, but then it just sort of happened.” Just one-third talked about it and made a decision to live together.
•The more religious are less likely to cohabit: 49% of dating couples and 30% of cohabitors surveyed agree that “my religious beliefs suggest that it is wrong for people to live together without being married.”
Interestingly, the body of research on the subject hasn’t found a longterm upside to cohabitation–especially not for those who want to marry eventually.
And because Focus on the Family is all about promoting long and healthy marriage, it’s worthwhile to note that those who practice a religious faith win on at least two fronts. Their chances of divorce are decreased because they didn’t cohabit with anyone first. And, if they practice their faith together after marrying, a couple further decrease their chances of divorce.
The bottom line of cohabitation? If you plan to someday marry for life, cohabitation is most likely to ensure that doesn’t happen.
Read the CitizenLink piece here.
Read more research here.
